The First Conversation
Typically, the first step after someone contacts you to be their Doula, you want to meet up. I often say that as I’m going to be in your birth space, you need to be certain that the way I swallow or hum along to your birth playlist doesn’t annoy you. The first interview is an important opportunity to get to know each other before agreeing to work together. As you’re reading, keep an eye out for some questions our OBC Doulas will typically ask during their first conversation with potential clients.
“What made you think about inviting a Doula into your journey? And what are you hoping they bring to your experience?” -Michelle - The Kiwi Doula
Being a Doula for someone means building a relationship with them. You don’t necessarily have to be the best of friends at the end, but you need to build a trust and a rapport together. It’s a mutual interview where both your potential client, and you, decide whether you can work well together. In my experience I’ve heard several Doulas suggest that a person they’ve spoken to meet with other Doulas as they don’t feel they could best serve them. I recently heard this called a “chemistry meet”, which I think encapsulates the objective of the meeting perfectly.
“What’s your Vision?” Leanne - The Doula Diary
There are a few questions I ask myself as I meet potential clients:
Do we gel? Does our conversation flow? Does anything feel awkward?
What are these parents learning styles? Does that fit with how I work?
What are these parents communication styles? Does that fit with how I communicate?
What do they understand a Doula does? Do I need to manage their expectations?
If I feel that we gel, that I can work within their learning and communication styles and that they understand the remit, and limitations of a Doula, then I will ask more questions about what their hopes and visions are for their pregnancy and birth.
“What are the biggest challenges or fears you’ve experienced on this journey so far that you would love to overcome?” - Lyddie - From Fertility Doula
Even if I’m not sure whether we’re going to be working together, it’s like an interview, we carry on the conversation until it’s natural completion. I like to clearly explain what a Doula does in general, and how I go about my work. I’ll explain some of my core philosophies and what I hope they will get out of working with me. I will explain their responsibility in this relationship, much of the hard work is done by the client, as a Doula, you guide them and provide support. You may also be skilled in aspects which could help with easing previous traumas that could impact their birth experience. I will clearly explain how we will work, including all of the practical aspects like organisation, how often and when we will visit, what the on-call period means, any extenuating circumstances. I will also frankly and honestly discuss money, you are self-employed after all, and being paid for the great work you do is important!
Once we’ve been through all of that, I will always check in to ask if there is anything we haven’t discussed. Often asking was there anything surprising about our conversation? Anything they didn’t expect, or expected to discuss that hasn’t been yet. Any concerns that they need to get out there now.
Honesty and a frank conversation about yours and theirs expectations is important, even at this early stage of a potential relationship. Be honest about who you are, be honest about any challenges you may face. Be genuine, be yourself, and if you were meant to walk within this partnership towards your clients parenthood, then consider yourself lucky.
What we do is an honour. It is also powerful. Be as fierce in advocating for yourself as you will be for your clients.