Doulas are not an insurance policy
Are you (doula) setting yourself up as an insurance policy for your clients birth experience? Are you being hired by people as an insurance policy so they have a “positive birth”?
Do clients say things to you like "I couldn't have done this without you?" Do you find yourself working ridiculous hours (that no mortal would work in a row without a break .... 24 hours at a birth anyone)? Do you find yourself foregoing social events, family events, complaining that your clients can't make a decision without you (or then don't listen to what you tell them anyway)?
All these things suggest you have boundary issues. You're a doula - a heart centred, knowledgeable, empathetic birth professional. Not a super hero (with or without the cape).
Your work is to ensure your client feels equipped to birth as they choose (whether you're there at their side or you fell down a well). Obviously ideally you're there every step of the way. But you are just part of the birth team - not all of it!
Your work is to ensure that your clients know how to tap into their instincts, how to advocate for their choices (or at the very least, their partner should be able to do this and understand why they have to do it rather than the labouring person).
And yes ... we absolutely 100% want to be there for our clients (for as long as is humanely possible) but you need remember the old adage "Can't pour from an empty cup".
If you're not transparent with your clients; need to be able to sleep and tag team with another birth partner; need to breastfeed a baby/toddler, need to stretch your legs, eat or have a wee; need to attend a family event, then you're setting both your clients, and yourself up for a fall.
What are the ways you can remedy this situation?
1. Always be transparent about what you need to support them at your absolute best (I'm going to kip on the floor by the pool/ make me up a spare bed etc just in case it becomes a marathon birth). It’s important that your clients understand from the get go you’re a normal human being with normal human being needs. Also - your clients deserve the absolute best and this is you when you’re primary needs aer met too.
2. Be clear in your communication with clients - write stuff in your contract, discuss it with clients. The discuss it again and again until everyone is happy and comfortable with arrangements.
3. Don't take on births that you know may be tricky (got a family event in the middle of on call, baby/ toddler not sleeping through the night) without ensuring you have secured back up; and don’t take on births you don’t really, really want to do.
4. Do not spend the "birth" proportion of your fee until you've attended the birth. You may need back up (if you get sick or it goes on for a really long time) and they will need paying!
5. Ensure you have left you're client feeling like THEY are in control of their birth and THEY can rock anything - whether you're there to rub their back and provide continuity of care (or you're at home nursing a sick child/ fell down the well etc) and can only be there on the phone or your’ve had to call your back up.
6. Make sure its worth it financially - if it leaves you out of pocket because you had to pay for child care or your fee was eaten up in petrol … no one wins. Birth work won’t be sustainable for you in the long run and potential clients will be missing out on an amazing support system.
Birth work is the best work in the world (after 12 years of this I'm absolutely sure) but its also incredibly taxing sometimes. Make sure it works for you and your client. If you want support from our team of experienced doula mentors to ensure you’re doula business practices are sustaining you and your clients click here for mentoring support